So I’ve been thinking to see a Dietician to see if I could modify my diet to reduce the bloating and very few Crohn’s symptoms I have. that way I could officially say I’m symptom free! I found this girl on the website that my doctor recommended:
Every day when my husband goes to work this is how we routinely say goodbye.
We hug for a bit at the door, pressed against it. His arms around me and sometimes I’m fiddling with his collar or picking at his shirt. I tell him have a good day, to drive safely, and to take care of himself. He says…
So I’m sending a package out and the guys last name is Candler. It just sounds so dirty and I don’t know why… I’m giggling like a freak and I wanna tell someone to laugh with me but they probably will just think I’m strange!
“last week, i walked through the part of the city i loved when i still loved you, our old haunts. you know, even the ghosts have moved on.”—warsan shire, ‘what did we even talk about?’ (via lipstick-bullet)
you’re amazing ! basically. i hate how your parents are so preoccupied with their own hurt to even acknowledge how you might be feeling. i still can’t believe how lucky i am to have met you :) you truly are a tough cookie.
WHAT~! I typed stuff and it is GONE~?
Anyway I’m glad we met too!! People do come into our lives for a reason or a season or whatever the hell that quote is~ I am sure you’re here to stay :D
Yeah I’m done with their crazy back and forth stuff. I’m tired of being a pawn to be hurt in the crossfire. It’s not my problem anymore and I’m not going to participate.
Oh and for Lynn Canyon it was so much fun! I wanted to go to Grouse today but Shunya’s cold finally caught up with him. So we are going to the doctor instead. I wish you lived here to go biking/hiking/exploring with meeee haha~ We would become professional rock hoppers ^^ I totally fell in on the weekend but it was funny~
So I had sent the message to my mom. She finally answered with a name and a hate filled message about how I am ungrateful and what not. I sent it to my aunt and she said she hasn’t read such a mean msg and she cried. Unfortunately or possibly fortunately that isn’t the worst i have received so I didn’t feel upset. I just replied that I don’t feel I am ungrateful or a bad person for feeling hurt and confused by everything and wanting to know the truth about who I am and where I really come from.
My aunt told me what she knows it’s honestly not even a big deal that I had to be fucked around with and lied to for so long. My mother just holds onto her resentments and anger and because she is STILL angry with him I guess I’m a terrible person because I wanna know about someone she is mad at. Same way she tries to make me feel bad or strange for contacting my Aunts who she is constantly mad at.
I’m glad I could reconnect to my aunt, who was always a second mom to me and my cousins, who were raised so close as to feel like siblings again~
I still don’t know why everyone thought this would devastate me to know. What devastated me was finding out my dad was not my dad via letter instead of in person. Being told in order to hurt me and to punish my mom as I am just a pawn in their weird cycle of makeup-breakup. What devastated me was my dad cutting contact with me since then and implying that my happy childhood memories with him were not so happy for him because he missed his youth because of me [BS]. Me feeling like I was unable or a terrible person for wanting to know more for years. But I’m done and over it.
I have family. I have an amazing bf who held my hand or hugged me as the crying convos took place perfectly. I have good friends with whom I’ve been trying to be better at staying connected to despite distance. I live in an amazing, beautiful city and have my health. I am truly blessed~
So I spoke with my aunt for 2 hours yesterday .. and her and her entire family knows my truth but will NOT tell me because my mother told them they are not allowed to…I basically told my mother she can consider herself dead to me if she will not allow me to know my own FUCKING TRUTH! It’s not for her to decide something like this for me now that I’m nearly fucking 30.
I honestly just hate my entire family … I feel like all our good memories were lies. I feel bad for my aunt though as there are probably just as many adult years of her life that she has been “allowed” to talk to my mother as there are years that my mother completely cuts contact with her. She does this to whomever makes her the slightest bit angry and it can last months or nearly ten years.