Like. At some point I don’t think I can just forgive and listen to the promise that he will change and prioritize respect me and my feelings.
I do not think it’s appropriate to just cancel plans with me to go out drinking with them. He can fucking say no to them unless it’s really work and not just drinking and gossip.
He can fucking come home around 2:30-3am. I don’t care if everyone else is still drinking. They are losers who have done nothing with their lives and not a single one of them is in a happy relationship. Just because Japanese Gfs and wives don’t say anything and just sit at home feeling bitter and crying about it doesn’t mean I intend to do that. If you can’t respect the fact that I am not comfortable AT ALL with my bf needing to go out drinking with people who have been known to cheat and be fucking sleeze bags then it’s done.
I’m just honestly exhausted. I know he is a good person but he is so easily influenced. Like this one guy works there now who likes to rap and wears more like “bboy” style (Japanese version, basically just baggy ass pants that are dirty and facial hair… Eew there is a reason he is single..) and now Shunya is all saying how lately he’s thinking he wants those kinds of clothes. Like Shunya. I know you. You tried to dress up to go hiking and wore accessories while camping. Baggy and dirty is NOT your style and it would be a total waste of money… I just tell him whatever you want but I make my face very clear that it’s not really sexy. Cause it isn’t. If he likes it ~ cool. I would never tell him not to but I won’t pretend I think it’s awesome haha
Anyway. I’m tired and kind of cranky~ every fucking annoying thing that can happen on transit has! I yelled to them to move the fuck back as obviously the fucking drivers here are brain damaged. But anyway. I’m okay. I’m ok. After I get some tea/caffeine in me I’ll be wonderful :)
Is there a way for you to transfer the calls directly into your boss’ voicemail? Then he/you could check the messages later at leisure. Often, the people who do the most work get punished when they don’t continue to pull the group’s weight.
Matt doesn’t have a vm because when he did he was just getting hundreds and hundreds per day and was unable to keep up. Now most people just email him or try repeatedly to reach him here. Also he would never ever help me to do anything. He feels it’s because of the engineer’s hard work out in the field that we even have a job and we are all just paper pushers [entire admin staff]. I couldn’t send it to Laura because although she gets paid more and is his personal assistant she is unreliable and would likely not get anything done. Everyone else is kind of more in accounting. Also like our office is not very organized. For instance when the firm was much smaller the reception used to also file. Now miss know it all files full time, we fired the previous filer for her. She also gets paid like 20 bucks per hour. Well I still have to take care of requests for Field memos 98% of the time because it’s always gone to reception. Never mind that I no longer have anything to do with filing, don’t know where anything is and have to run around the office looking for them [and then get bitched at for not catching the phone more often..] because if it was sent to me I should do it.
I dunno I just really need to quit because although this is a bad day so all these feelings are just really ramped up right now they are real problems I am feeling at work and it’s not going to change. As it is when I complain about how unprofessional she is towards me I’m told I should ignore it which is … mind blowing. Like Zara handles that shit better. Zara. Are you kidding me. So I guess it’s okay that business can just be affected by her bad attitude and unprofessional behaviour [she doesn’t want to go get files when I request them or takes her sweet ass time and doesn’t do a good job covering my desk while I’m away]. Whatever. Just need a new job STAT.
Like first some fucking moron comes in to request letters of assurance IN PERSON. Without calling first. Laura is on lunch which means in an hour or two or three she MIGHT be back and no she doesn’t answer her fucking cell.
Then some annoying people come in from Toshiba and say they are taking my copier because Gary authorized it?! Well he’s also on lunch with his super fun group of super fun annoying fucktards from accounting [When the previous office manager took people out for lunch she took the entire admin team since we all work together.. but whatever.] and also doesn’t answer.
Now I’m being yelled at because drawings needed to be in KAMLOOPS today but were only on my desk this morning. That is impossible. The fastest is “next day” which means TUESDAY as it’s a long weekend. Like fuck. If you need something by a deadline maybe it should be done NOT ON THE DAY ITS FUCKING NEEDED. but that’s Laura’s style and apparently she was supposed to be “handling” this. This woman gets paid more than me. EVERYONE does.
Seriously just want to walk the fuck out right now.
Actually worst day. Just want to cry.
And the weird thing is that 90% of the people in my office are awesome and sweet and kind but it’s my boss and admin coworkers who are douchy cunts and ruining the mood. I’m at the point where I feel like if everyone thinks I just sit around and do nothing and I guess magic faeries must be getting every single thing from my desk out same day, every email and phone request dealt with same day then what is my motivation to keep working hard? I mean my own work ethic is why and that’s why I keep doing it but I fully realize that I can never be happy in a work environment that doesn’t at least acknowledge my efforts. I don’t need it all the time but I don’t appreciate every small slip up to be a thing I need to be screamed at for. I don’t need Techs sighing and acting super pissed and annoyed because I cannot tell which memos pertain to which kind of work on THEIR own project. Like that is not my job. I already found the file and sorted the memos chronologically so all you need to do is spend 3 seconds to pick out the correct ones and I will email them over. Fuck. I don’t like when I’m trying to have a client question answered and the engineer says they don’t wanna deal with it. Like, you have to! I cannot answer these questions and it’s why you went to school and what can I even do. Like sorry. Yes that was our project but no one feels like wasting time to talk to you so. Bye. Like everyone here is so snappy and angry because of Matt that even the few who aren’t can’t really make up for it :( and most of those people leave anyway.
I’m about to just walk the fuck outta this job. I’m tired of it being totally acceptable that miss know it all can fluctuate between being a rude bitch to me whenever she wants to completely pretending I don’t exist. Like. We work together. You have to talk to me sometimes TO GET WORK DONE. I don’t like you but if I need something or whatever I’m still going to ask you. Im tired of how when I bring up how unprofessional this behaviour is that I’m the bad person because I should ignore it. Wtf. I am polite and civil to her over and over despite her fucking attitude and I am absolutely not required to put up with this kind of work environment. I’m tired of people acting like I don’t do shit most of the time. Like she sent out about 5-7 things per day while I was away. She had plenty of fucking time to make postage paid envelopes. I do not. It was hella busy yesterday and I haven’t had time yet today because it’s ALSO BUSY. But I guess it’s cool to act put out that I didn’t do that immediately for you when ANYONE can stamp them and I wasn’t even here all fucking week. Not to mention I did like nearly a full box on Friday before I left FOR her!
I’m tired of my boss getting mad at me for putting people through with stupid questions when that person will hardly even tell me his name when calling let alone trying to get his reason for calling and he calls multiple times per day so …. I’m tired of other people getting mad and being all like “I’ll just text him I’m a family friend” because I asked their full name/company when they called for my boss. I HAVE TO ASK THAT BITCH! Chill out. Just say you’re a family friend. No big fucking deal. Honestly. I’m not guarding Matt I’m just doing my fucking job.
I’m just tired in general of how disorganized this office is and how little people appreciate/respect how hard I’m working while also being damn efficient.
Ahhh I needed that vacation ~ I feel so much more relaxed and happy.
I’m so over this job. While some people appreciate my hard work most do not and I am totally a person who needs a little recognition from time to time ~ anyway soon enough I’ll be gone so it’s no big until then :)
How many times have you fallen in love? Is it always better than the last time?
Love is supposedly getting wrapped up in someone else, but it’s really tripping into a labyrinth of yourself. Sometimes you’re lucky enough to step into a room that brings you joy and kindness and strength with indoor waterfalls and couches like clouds, to find the switch that lights up every corner in the house. Sometimes you explore long, twisted hallways with compelling arches that lead you deeper and deeper into yourself ‘til you’ve lost your way and all you can do is run your hands along the wall hoping to find a door to let you out. Some people find the light switch first. Some people never do. But when we step into someone else, we inevitably get lost in a part of ourselves we never have before.
It’s the lessons you take from each trip that can make the following better, or worse. There are parts of the house I don’t care to see again and parts I never would have found without getting lost with someone else. Insecurities that needed to be aired out. Passions that needed to be opened. Our relationships with people are what help us build and discover our home. And I am happy to live in the house I’ve made forever, but I dream of the rooms someone else might unlock, that someone still could.
But it’s still your house. And the quality of the life you build in it is determined by how well you take care of it, by the effort you put into it.
Every time I’ve fallen in love, it’s not that the love has been better, it’s that I have been better able to love. It’s that I’ve torn down walls and lit up dark hallways and aired out old shame and cleaned out old losses. It’s that I’ve made space for someone and I’ve made it beautiful and I’ve made this house a home that I love and I cherish.
The hardest part for me is when I love the way the light comes in and the way floorboards creak and the way the kitchen is just a little too small and then I let someone in who says, “this house is so wonderful, this house is so perfect, though the light comes in early, and the floorboards are loud, and that kitchen is really too small.” Because then the things that I love turn from quirks into flaws and I find myself tweaking the things I found charming because someone thought the rest was good enough to stay.
This is your home to live in forever and by god, you better make it good. But make it good for you and when buyer after buyer says it’ll do, so no thanks, because you’re looking for someone who thinks it’s beautiful too.
That’s how love gets better. When you love yourself better.